İBRANİCE DERSLERİ: Ocak 2014

28 Ocak 2014 Salı

Olam Ha-Ba: The Afterlife

Level: Basic

• Judaism believes in an afterlife but has little dogma about it
• The Jewish afterlife is called Olam Ha-Ba (The World to Come)
• Resurrection and reincarnation are within the range of traditional Jewish belief
• Temporary (but not eternal) punishment after death is within traditional belief

Traditional Judaism firmly believes that death is not the end of human existence. However, because Judaism is primarily focused on life here and now rather than on the afterlife, Judaism does not have much dogma about the afterlife, and leaves a great deal of room for personal opinion. It is possible for an Orthodox Jew to believe that the souls of the righteous dead go to a place similar to the Christian heaven, or that they are reincarnated through many lifetimes, or that they simply wait until the coming of the messiah, when they will be resurrected. Likewise, Orthodox Jews can believe that the souls of the wicked are tormented by demons of their own creation, or that wicked souls are simply destroyed at death, ceasing to exist.

Biblical References to the Afterlife

Some scholars claim that belief in the afterlife is a teaching that developed late in Jewish history. It is true that the Torah emphasizes immediate, concrete, physical rewards and punishments rather than abstract future ones. See, for example, Lev. 26:3-9 and Deut. 11:13-15. However, there is clear evidence in the Torah of belief in existence after death. The Torah indicates in several places that the righteous will be reunited with their loved ones after death, while the wicked will be excluded from this reunion.
The Torah speaks of several noteworthy people being "gathered to their people." See, for example, Gen. 25:8 (Abraham), 25:17 (Ishmael), 35:29 (Isaac), 49:33 (Jacob), Deut. 32:50 (Moses and Aaron) II Kings 22:20 (King Josiah). This gathering is described as a separate event from the physical death of the body or the burial.
Certain sins are punished by the sinner being "cut off from his people." See, for example, Gen. 17:14 and Ex. 31:14. This punishment is referred to as kareit (kah-REHYT) (literally, "cutting off," but usually translated as "spiritual excision"), and it means that the soul loses its portion in the World to Come.
Later portions of the Tanakh speak more clearly of life after death and the World to Come. See Dan. 12:2, Neh. 9:5.

Resurrection and Reincarnation

Belief in the eventual resurrection of the dead is a fundamental belief of traditional Judaism. It was a belief that distinguished the Pharisees (intellectual ancestors ofRabbinical Judaism) from the Sadducees. The Sadducees rejected the concept, because it is not explicitly mentioned in the Torah. The Pharisees found the concept implied in certain verses.
Belief in resurrection of the dead is one of Rambam's 13 Principles of Faith. The second blessing of the Shemoneh Esrei prayer, which is recited three times daily, contains several references to resurrection. (Note: the Reform movement, which apparently rejects this belief, has rewritten the second blessing accordingly).
The resurrection of the dead will occur in the messianic age, a time referred to in Hebrew as the Olam Ha-Ba, the World to Come, but that term is also used to refer to the spiritual afterlife. When the messiah comes to initiate the perfect world of peace and prosperity, the righteous dead will be brought back to life and given the opportunity to experience the perfected world that their righteousness helped to create. The wicked dead will not be resurrected.
There are some mystical schools of thought that believe resurrection is not a one-time event, but is an ongoing process. The souls of the righteous are reborn in to continue the ongoing process of tikkun olam, mending of the world. Some sources indicate that reincarnation is a routine process, while others indicate that it only occurs in unusual circumstances, where the soul left unfinished business behind. Belief in reincarnation is also one way to explain the traditional Jewish belief that every Jewish soul in history was present at Sinai and agreed to the covenant with G-d. (Another explanation: that the soul exists before the body, and these unborn souls were present in some form at Sinai). Belief in reincarnation is commonly held by many Chasidic sects, as well as some other mystically-inclined Jews. See, for example Reincarnation Stories from Chasidic Tradition.

Olam Ha-Ba: The World to Come

The spiritual afterlife is referred to in Hebrew as Olam Ha-Ba (oh-LAHM hah-BAH), the World to Come, although this term is also used to refer to the messianic age. The Olam Ha-Ba is another, higher state of being.
In the Mishnah, one rabbi says, "This world is like a lobby before the Olam Ha-Ba. Prepare yourself in the lobby so that you may enter the banquet hall." Similarly, the Talmud says, "This world is like the eve of Shabbat, and the Olam Ha-Ba is like Shabbat. He who prepares on the eve of Shabbat will have food to eat on Shabbat." We prepare ourselves for the Olam Ha-Ba through Torah study and good deeds.
The Talmud states that all Israel has a share in the Olam Ha-Ba. However, not all "shares" are equal. A particularly righteous person will have a greater share in the Olam Ha-Ba than the average person. In addition, a person can lose his share through wicked actions. There are many statements in the Talmud that a particular mitzvahwill guarantee a person a place in the Olam Ha-Ba, or that a particular sin will lose a person's share in the Olam Ha-Ba, but these are generally regarded as hyperbole, excessive expressions of approval or disapproval.
Some people look at these teachings and deduce that Jews try to "earn our way into Heaven" by performing the mitzvot. This is a gross mischaracterization of our religion. It is important to remember that unlike some religions, Judaism is not focused on the question of how to get into heaven. Judaism is focused on life and how to live it. Non-Jews frequently ask me, "do you really think you're going to go to Hell if you don't do such-and-such?" It always catches me a bit off balance, because the question of where I am going after death simply doesn't enter into the equation when I think about the mitzvot. We perform the mitzvot because it is our privilege and our sacred obligation to do so. We perform them out of a sense of love and duty, not out of a desire to get something in return. In fact, one of the first bits of ethical advice in Pirkei Avot (a book of the Mishnah) is: "Be not like servants who serve their master for the sake of receiving a reward; instead, be like servants who serve their master not for the sake of receiving a reward, and let the awe of Heaven [meaning G-d, not the afterlife] be upon you."
Nevertheless, we definitely believe that your place in the Olam Ha-Ba is determined by a merit system based on your actions, not by who you are or what religion you profess. In addition, we definitely believe that humanity is capable of being considered righteous in G-d's eyes, or at least good enough to merit paradise after a suitable period of purification.
Do non-Jews have a place in Olam Ha-Ba? Although there are a few statements to the contrary in the Talmud, the predominant view of Judaism is that the righteous of all nations have a share in the Olam Ha-Ba. Statements to the contrary were not based on the notion that membership in Judaism was required to get into Olam Ha-Ba, but were grounded in the observation that non-Jews were not righteous people. If you consider the behavior of the surrounding peoples at the time that the Talmud was written, you can understand the rabbis' attitudes. By the time of Rambam, the belief was firmly entrenched that the righteous of all nations have a share in the Olam Ha-Ba.

Gan Eden and Gehinnom

The place of spiritual reward for the righteous is often referred to in Hebrew as Gan Eden (GAHN ehy-DEHN) (the Garden of Eden). This is not the same place where Adam and Eve were; it is a place of spiritual perfection. Specific descriptions of it vary widely from one source to another. One source says that the peace that one feels when one experiences Shabbat properly is merely one-sixtieth of the pleasure of the afterlife. Other sources compare the bliss of the afterlife to the joy of sex or the warmth of a sunny day. Ultimately, though, the living can no more understand the nature of this place than the blind can understand color.
Only the very righteous go directly to Gan Eden. The average person descends to a place of punishment and/or purification, generally referred to as Gehinnom (guh-hee-NOHM) (in Yiddish, Gehenna), but sometimes as She'ol or by other names. According to one mystical view, every sin we commit creates an angel of destruction (a demon), and after we die we are punished by the very demons that we created. Some views see Gehinnom as one of severe punishment, a bit like the Christian Hell of fire and brimstone. Other sources merely see it as a time when we can see the actions of our lives objectively, see the harm that we have done and the opportunities we missed, and experience remorse for our actions. The period of time in Gehinnom does not exceed 12 months, and then ascends to take his place on Olam Ha-Ba.
Only the utterly wicked do not ascend at the end of this period; their souls are punished for the entire 12 months. Sources differ on what happens at the end of those 12 months: some say that the wicked soul is utterly destroyed and ceases to exist while others say that the soul continues to exist in a state of consciousness of remorse.
This 12-month limit is repeated in many places in the Talmud, and it is connected to the mourning cycles and the recitation of Kaddish. See Life, Death and Mourning.

Life, Death and Mourning

Level: Basic

• Almost any Jewish law can be broken to save a human life
• Euthanasia is prohibited, but refusing extraordinary measures is allowed
• Mourning practices show respect for the dead and comfort the living
• Jewish graves are marked with tombstones
• Tombstones are traditionally unveiled 12 months after burial

Life

In Judaism, life is valued above almost all else. The Talmud notes that all people are descended from a single person, thus taking a single life is like destroying an entire world, and saving a single life is like saving an entire world.
Of the 613 commandments, only the prohibitions against murder, idolatry, incest and adultery are so important that they cannot be violated to save a life. Judaism not only permits, but often requires a person to violate the commandments if necessary to save a life. A person who is extremely ill, for example, or a woman in labor, is not permitted to fast on Yom Kippur, because fasting at such a time would endanger the person's life. Doctors are permitted to answer emergency calls on Shabbat, even though this may violate many Shabbat prohibitions. Abortions where necessary to save the life of a mother are mandatory (the unborn are not considered human life in Jewish law, thus the mother's human life overrides).
Because life is so valuable, we are not permitted to do anything that may hasten death, not even to prevent suffering. Euthanasia, suicide and assisted suicide are strictly forbidden by Jewish law. The Talmud states that you may not even move a dying person's arms if that would shorten his life.
However, where death is imminent and certain, and the patient is suffering, Jewish law does permit one to cease artificially prolonging life. Thus, in certain circumstances, Jewish law permits "pulling the plug" or refusing extraordinary means of prolonging life.

Death

In Judaism, death is not a tragedy, even when it occurs early in life or through unfortunate circumstances. Death is a natural process. Our deaths, like our lives, have meaning and are all part of G-d's plan. In addition, we have a firm belief in an afterlife, a world to come, where those who have lived a worthy life will be rewarded.
Mourning practices in Judaism are extensive, but they are not an expression of fear or distaste for death. Jewish practices relating to death and mourning have two purposes: to show respect for the dead (kavod ha-met), and to comfort the living (nihum avelim), who will miss the deceased.

Care for the Dead

After a person dies, the eyes are closed, the body is laid on the floor and covered, and candles are lit next to the body. The body is never left alone until after burial, as a sign of respect. The people who sit with the dead body are called shomerim, from the root Shin-Mem-Reish, meaning "guards" or "keepers".
Respect for the dead body is a matter of paramount importance. For example, the shomerim may not eat, drink, or perform a commandment in the presence of the dead. To do so would be considered mocking the dead, because the dead can no longer do these things.
Most communities have an organization to care for the dead, known as the chevra kaddisha (the holy society). These people are volunteers. Their work is considered extremely meritorious, because they are performing a service for someone who can never repay them.
Autopsies in general are discouraged as desecration of the body. They are permitted, however, where it may save a life or where local law requires it. When autopsies must be performed, they should be minimally intrusive.
The presence of a dead body is considered a source of ritual impurity. For this reason, a kohein may not be in the presence of a corpse. People who have been in the presence of a body wash their hands before entering a home. This is done to symbolically remove spiritual impurity, not physical uncleanness: it applies regardless of whether you have physically touched the body.
In preparation for the burial, the body is thoroughly cleaned and wrapped in a simple, plain linen shroud. The Sages decreed that both the dress of the body and the coffin should be simple, so that a poor person would not receive less honor in death than a rich person. The body is wrapped in a tallit with its tzitzit rendered invalid. The body is not embalmed, and no organs or fluids may be removed. According to some sources, organ donation is permitted, because the subsequent burial of the donee will satisfy the requirement of burying the entire body.
The body must not be cremated. It must be buried in the earth. Coffins are not required, but if they are used, they must have holes drilled in them so the body comes in contact with the earth.
The body is never displayed at funerals; open casket ceremonies are forbidden by Jewish law. According to Jewish law, exposing a body is considered disrespectful, because it allows not only friends, but also enemies to view the dead, mocking their helpless state.

Mourning

Jewish mourning practices can be broken into several periods of decreasing intensity. These mourning periods allow the full expression of grief, while discouraging excesses of grief and allowing the mourner to gradually return to a normal life.
When a close relative (parent, sibling, spouse or child) first hears of the death of a relative, it is traditional to express the initial grief by tearing one's clothing. The tear is made over the heart if the deceased is a parent, or over the right side of the chest for other relatives. This tearing of the clothing is referred to as keriyah (lit. "tearing"). The mourner recites the blessing describing G-d as "the true Judge," an acceptance of G-d's taking of the life of a relative.
From the time of death to the burial, the mourner's sole responsibility is caring for the deceased and preparing for the burial. This period is known as aninut. During this time, the mourners are exempt from all positive commandments ("thou shalts"), because the preparations take first priority. This period usually lasts a day or two; Judaism requires prompt burial.
During this aninut period, the family should be left alone and allowed the full expression of grief. Condolence calls or visits should not be made during this time.
After the burial, a close relative, near neighbor or friend prepares the first meal for the mourners, the se'udat havra'ah (meal of condolence). This meal traditionally consists of eggs (a symbol of life) and bread. The meal is for the family only, not for visitors. After this time, condolence calls are permitted.
The next period of mourning is known as shiva (seven, because it lasts seven days). Shiva is observed by parents, children, spouses and siblings of the deceased, preferably all together in the deceased's home. Shiva begins on the day of burial and continues until the morning of the seventh day after burial. Mourners sit on low stools or the floor instead of chairs, do not wear leather shoes, do not shave or cut their hair, do not wear cosmetics, do not work, and do not do things for comfort or pleasure, such as bathe, have sex, put on fresh clothing, or study Torah (except Torah related to mourning and grief). Mourners wear the clothes that they tore at the time of learning of the death or at the funeral. Mirrors in the house are covered. Prayer services are held where the shiva is held, with friends, neighbors and relatives making up the minyan (10 people required for certain prayers).
If a festival occurs during the mourning period, the mourning is terminated, but if the burial occurs during a festival, the mourning is delayed until after the festival. TheShabbat that occurs during the shiva period counts toward the seven days of shiva, and does not end the mourning period. Public mourning practices (such as wearing the torn clothes, not wearing shoes) are suspended during this period, but private mourning continues.
The next period of mourning is known as shloshim (thirty, because it lasts until the 30th day after burial). During that period, the mourners do not attend parties or celebrations, do not shave or cut their hair, and do not listen to music.
The final period of formal mourning is avelut, which is observed only for a parent. This period lasts for twelve months after the burial. During that time, mourners avoid parties, celebrations, theater and concerts. For eleven months of that period, starting at the time of burial, the son of the deceased recites the mourner's Kaddish every day.
After the avelut period is complete, the family of the deceased is not permitted to continue formal mourning; however, there are a few continuing acknowledgments of the decedent. Every year, on the anniversary of the death, family members observe the deceased's Yahrzeit (Yiddish, lit. "anniversary"). On the Yahrzeit, sons recite Kaddish and take an aliyah (bless the Torah reading) in synagogue if possible, and all mourners light a candle in honor of the decedent that burns for 24 hours. In addition, during services on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, the last day of Passover, and Shavu'ot, after the haftarah reading in synagogue, close relatives recite the mourner's prayer, Yizkor ("May He remember...") in synagogue. Yahrzeit candles are also lit on those days.
When visiting a mourner, a guest should not try to express grief with standard, shallow platitudes. The guest should allow the mourner to initiate conversations. One should not divert the conversation from talking about the deceased; to do so would limit the mourner's ability to fully express grief, which is the purpose of the mourning period. On the contrary, the caller should encourage conversation about the deceased.
When leaving a house of mourning, it is traditional for the guest to say, "May the Lord comfort you with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."

Kaddish

Kaddish is commonly known as a mourner's prayer, but in fact, variations on the Kaddish prayer are routinely recited at many other times, and the prayer itself has nothing to do with death or mourning. The prayer begins "May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified in the world that He created as He willed. May He give reign to His kingship in your lifetimes and in your days ..." and continues in much that vein. The real mourner's prayer is El Molai Rachamim, which is recited at grave sites and during funerals.
Why, then, is Kaddish recited by mourners?
After a great loss like the death of a parent, you might expect a person to lose faith in G-d, or to cry out against G-d's injustice. Instead, Judaism requires a mourner to stand up every day, publicly (i.e., in front of a minyan, a quorum of 10 adult men), and reaffirm faith in G-d despite this loss. To do so inures to the merit of the deceased in the eyes of G-d, because the deceased must have been a very good parent to raise a child who could express such faith in the face of personal loss.
Then why is Kaddish recited for only 11 months, when the mourning period is 12 months? According to Jewish tradition, the soul must spend some time purifying itself before it can enter the World to Come. The maximum time required for purification is 12 months, for the most evil person. To recite Kaddish for 12 months would imply that the parent was the type who needed 12 months of purification! To avoid this implication, the Sages decreed that a son should recite Kaddish for only eleven months.
A person is permitted to recite Kaddish for other close relatives as well as parents, but only if his parents are dead.
See Mourners' Kaddish for the full text of the Mourners' Kaddish.

Tombstones

Jewish law requires that a tombstone be prepared, so that the deceased will not be forgotten and the grave will not be desecrated. It is customary in some communities to keep the tombstone veiled, or to delay in putting it up, until the end of the 12-month mourning period. The idea underlying this custom is that the dead will not be forgotten when he is being mourned every day. In communities where this custom is observed, there is generally a formal unveiling ceremony when the tombstone is revealed.
It is also customary in some communities to place small stones on a gravesite when visiting it. This custom has become well-known from the movie Schindler's List, in which the children of Survivors place stones on the grave of Oscar Schindler. The custom is not universal, even among traditional Jews, and there seems to be some doubt as to how it originated. It seems to have superstitious origins. It's a little like leaving a calling card for the dead person, to let them know you were there. Stones, unlike flowers, are permanent and do not get blown away in the wind. Some other sources suggest that it was originally done because we are required to erect a tombstone, and tombstones that actually looked like tombstones tended to get desecrated.
What is written on a tombstone? In most cases, it is very straightforward Hebrew text, similar to what you might see on a tombstone in English. An illustration of a typical Jewish tombstone is shown above.
At the top is the abbreviation Pei-Nun, which stands for either "poh nitman" or "poh nikbar", which means "here lies..." The marks that look like quotation marks are commonly used to indicate an abbreviation or a number written in letters.
The next line is the name of the decedent, in the form (decedent's name), son of or daughter of [father's name]. "Son of" is either ben (Beit-Final Nun) or bar (Beit-Reish). "Daughter of" is bat (Beit-Tav). The tombstone above says "Esther bat Mordecai" (Elsie, daughter of Morrice). Sometimes, one or both of the names is preceded by the letter Reish, which simply stands for "Reb" and means "Mr." The names may also be followed by the title ha-Kohein (Hei-Kaf-Hei-Final Nun), ha-Levi (Hei-Lamed-Vav-Yod) or ha-Rav (Hei-Reish-Beit), indicating that the person was a kohein, a Levite or a rabbi. See the Hebrew Alphabet page if you need help in identifying specific letters on a tombstone.
The third line indicates the date of death. This line begins with the abbreviation Nun-Pei followed by the date, the month, and the year. The date and year are written in Hebrew numerals, which are letters. The month name is sometimes preceded by a Beit (meaning "of"). The tombstone above indicates that the date of death was 18 Shevat 5761. Yod-Cheit = 10+8 = 18. Shin-Beit-Tav is the month name Shevat. Tav-Shin-Samekh-Alef = 400+300+60+1 = 761 (the 5000 is assumed). SeeHebrew Alphabet -Numerical Values if you need help in identifying a number. See Jewish Calendar - Months of the Jewish Year if you need help identifying months. See Jewish Calendar - Links to Jewish Calendars if you need help converting a Hebrew date to a Gregorian date.
The last line is an abbreviation that stands for "tehe nishmatah tzerurah bitzror hachayim," which means "may her soul be bound in the bond of eternal life."
Kohein Hand Position

You may also find Jewish symbols on a tombstone, such as a menorah, a magen David, a torah scroll, a lion, or the two tablets of the tencommandments. Most of these symbols don't tell you anything about the decedent (other than the fact that he or she was Jewish). However, if you see a picture of hands in a position like the one at right, this normally indicates that the decedent was a kohein, because this hand position is used when the kohanim bless the congregation at certain times of the year.

Divorce

Level: Basic

• Jewish law permits divorce as an unfortunate necessity
• Civil divorce does not dissolve a Jewish marriage
• A man can divorce a woman for any reason or no reason, but rabbinical law requires the woman's consent
• In traditional Jewish law, a woman cannot initiate a divorce

Jewish Attitude Toward Divorce

Judaism recognized the concept of "no-fault" divorce thousands of years ago. Judaism has always accepted divorce as a fact of life, albeit an unfortunate one. Judaism generally maintains that it is better for a couple to divorce than to remain together in a state of constant bitterness and strife.
Under Jewish law, a man can divorce a woman for any reason or no reason. The Talmud specifically says that a man can divorce a woman because she spoiled his dinner or simply because he finds another woman more attractive, and the woman's consent to the divorce is not required. In fact, Jewish law requires divorce in some circumstances: when the wife commits a sexual transgression, a man must divorce her, even if he is inclined to forgive her.
This does not mean that Judaism takes divorce lightly. Many aspects of Jewish law discourage divorce. The procedural details involved in arranging a divorce are complex and exacting. Except in certain cases of misconduct by the wife, a man who divorces his wife is required to pay her substantial sums of money, as specified in the ketubah (marriage contract). In addition, Jewish law prohibits a man from remarrying his ex-wife after she has married another man. Kohanim cannot marry divorcees at all.

The Process of Obtaining a Divorce

According to the Torah, divorce is accomplished simply by writing a bill of divorce, handing it to the wife, and sending her away. To prevent husbands from divorcing their wives recklessly or without proper consideration, the rabbis created complex rules regarding the process of writing the document, delivery, and acceptance. A competent rabbinical authority should be consulted for any divorce.
The document in question is referred to in the Talmud as a sefer k'ritut (scroll of cutting off), but it is more commonly known today as a get. The get is not phrased in negative terms. The traditional text does not emphasize the breakdown of the relationship, nor does it specify the reason for the divorce; rather, it states that the woman is now free to marry another man.
It is not necessary for a husband to personally hand the get to the wife. If it is not possible or desirable for the couple to meet, a messenger may be appointed to deliver the get.
It is important to note that a civil divorce is not sufficient to dissolve a Jewish marriage. As far as Jewish law is concerned, a couple remains married until the woman receives the get. This has been a significant problem: many liberal Jews have a religiously valid marriage, yet do not obtain a religiously valid divorce. If the woman remarries after such a procedure, her second marriage is considered an adulterous one, and her children are considered mamzerim (bastards, illegitimate).

Inequality of the Sexes

The position of husband and wife with regard to divorce is not an equal one. According to the Talmud, only the husband can initiate a divorce, and the wife cannot prevent him from divorcing her. Later rabbinical authorities took steps to ease the harshness of these rules by prohibiting a man from divorcing a woman without her consent. In addition, a rabbinical court can compel a husband to divorce his wife under certain circumstances: when he is physically repulsive because of some medical condition or other characteristic, when he violates or neglects his marital obligations (food, clothing and sexual intercourse), or, according to some views, when there is sexual incompatibility.
A peculiar problem arises, however, if a man disappears or deserts his wife or is presumed dead but there is insufficient proof of death. Under Jewish law, divorce can only be initiated by the man; thus, if the husband cannot be found, he cannot be compelled to divorce the wife and she cannot marry another man. A woman in this situation is referred to as agunah (literally, anchored). The rabbis agonized over this problem, balancing the need to allow the woman to remarry with the risk of an adulterous marriage (a grave transgression that would affect the status of offspring of the marriage) if the husband reappeared. No definitive solution to this problem exists.
To prevent this problem to some extent, it is customary in many places for a man to give his wife a conditional get whenever he goes off to war, so that if he never comes home and his body is not found, his wife does not become agunah.

Marriage

Level: Basic

• Judaism believes in the concept of soul mates, called bashert
• The primary purpose of marriage is love and companionship, not just childbearing
• A contract called a ketubah spells out terms of marriage and divorce
• Marriages between certain close relatives are prohibited
• Children born out of wedlock are not bastards in Jewish law

The Torah provides very little guidance with regard to the procedures of a marriage. The method of finding a spouse, the form of the wedding ceremony, and the nature of the marital relationship are all explained in the Talmud.

Bashert: Soul Mates

According to the Talmud, Rav Yehuda taught that 40 days before a male child is conceived, a voice from heaven announces whose daughter he is going to marry, literally a match made in heaven! In Yiddish, this perfect match is called "bashert," a word meaning fate or destiny. The word "bashert" can be used to refer to any kind of fortuitous good match, such as finding the perfect job or the perfect house, but it is usually used to refer to one's soul mate. There are a number of statements in the Talmud that would seem to contradict the idea of bashert, most notably the many bits of advice on choosing a wife. Nevertheless, the idea has a strong hold within the Jewish community: look at any listing of Jewish personal ads and you're bound to find someone "Looking for my bashert."
Finding your bashert doesn't mean that your marriage will be trouble-free. Marriage, like everything worthwhile in life, requires dedication, effort and energy. Even when two people are meant for each other, it is possible for them to ruin their marriage. That is why Judaism allows divorce.
Although the first marriage is bashert, it is still possible to have a good and happy marriage with a second spouse. The Talmud teaches that G-d also arranges second marriages, and a man's second wife is chosen according to his merits.
How do you know if you have found your bashert? Should you hold off on marrying someone for fear that the person you want to marry might not be your bashert, and there might be a better match out there waiting for you? The traditional view is that you cannot know who your bashert is, but once you get married, the person you married is by definition your bashert, so you should not let concerns about finding your bashert discourage you from marrying someone.
And while we're on the subject of G-d arranging marriages, I should share this delightful midrash: it is said that a Roman woman asked a rabbi, "if your G-d created the universe in six days, then what has he been doing with his time since then?" The rabbi said that G-d has been arranging marriages. The Roman woman scoffed at this, saying that arranging marriages was a simple task, but the rabbi assured her that arranging marriages properly is as difficult as parting the Red Sea. To prove the rabbi wrong, the Roman woman went home and took a thousand male slaves and a thousand female slaves and matched them up in marriages. The next day, the slaves appeared before her, one with a cracked skull, another with a broken leg, another with his eye gouged out, all asking to be released from their marriages. The woman went back to the rabbi and said, "There is no god like your G-d, and your Torah is true."

Acquiring a Spouse

Mishnah Kiddushin 1:1 specifies that a woman is acquired (i.e., to be a wife) in three ways: through money, a contract, and sexual intercourse. Ordinarily, all three of these conditions are satisfied, although only one is necessary to effect a binding marriage.
Acquisition by money is normally satisfied by the wedding ring. It is important to note that although money is one way of "acquiring" a wife, the woman is not being bought and sold like a piece of property or a slave. This is obvious from the fact that the amount of money involved is nominal (according to the Mishnah, a perutah, a copper coin of the lowest denomination, was sufficient). In addition, if the woman were being purchased like a piece of property, it would be possible for the husband to resell her, and clearly it is not. Rather, the wife's acceptance of the money is a symbolic way of demonstrating her acceptance of the husband, just like acceptance of the contract or the sexual intercourse.
To satisfy the requirements of acquisition by money, the ring must belong to the groom. It cannot be borrowed, although it can be a gift from a relative. It must be given to the wife irrevocably. In addition, the ring's value must be known to the wife, so that there can be no claim that the husband deceived her into marrying by misleading her as to its value.
In all cases, the Talmud specifies that a woman can be acquired only with her consent, and not without it. Kiddushin 2a-b.
As part of the wedding ceremony, the husband gives the wife a ketubah. The word "Ketubah" comes from the root Kaf-Tav-Beit, meaning "writing." The ketubah is also called the marriage contract. The ketubah spells out the husband's obligations to the wife during marriage, conditions of inheritance upon his death, and obligations regarding the support of children of the marriage. It also provides for the wife's support in the event of divorce. There are standard conditions; however, additional conditions can be included by mutual agreement. Marriage agreements of this sort were commonplace in the ancient Semitic world.
The ketubah has much in common with prenuptial agreements, which are gaining popularity in the United States. In the U.S., such agreements were historically disfavored, because it was believed that planning for divorce would encourage divorce, and that people who considered the possibility of divorce shouldn't be marrying. Although one rabbi in the Talmud expresses a similar opinion, the majority maintained that a ketubah discouraged divorce, by serving as a constant reminder of the husband's substantial financial obligations if he divorced his wife.
The ketubah is often a beautiful work of calligraphy, framed and displayed in the home.

The Process of Marriage: Kiddushin and Nisuin

The process of marriage occurs in two distinct stages: kiddushin (commonly translated as betrothal) and nisuin (full-fledged marriage). Kiddushin occurs when the woman accepts the money, contract or sexual relations offered by the prospective husband. The word "kiddushin" comes from the root Qof-Dalet-Shin, meaning "sanctified." It reflects the sanctity of the marital relation. However, the root word also connotes something that is set aside for a specific (sacred) purpose, and the ritual of kiddushin sets aside the woman to be the wife of a particular man and no other.
Kiddushin is far more binding than an engagement as we understand the term in modern English; in fact, Rambam speaks of a period of engagement before the kiddushin. Once kiddushin is complete, the woman is legally the wife of the man. The relationship created by kiddushin can only be dissolved by death or divorce. However, the spouses do not live together at the time of the kiddushin, and the mutual obligations created by the marital relationship do not take effect until the nisuin is complete.
The nisuin (from a word meaning "elevation") completes the process of marriage. The husband brings the wife into his home and they begin their married life together.
In the past, the kiddushin and nisuin would routinely occur as much as a year apart. During that time, the husband would prepare a home for the new family. There was always a risk that during this long period of separation, the woman would discover that she wanted to marry another man, or the man would disappear, leaving the woman in the awkward state of being married but without a husband. Today, the two ceremonies are normally performed together.
Because marriage under Jewish law is essentially a private contractual agreement between a man and a woman, it does not require the presence of a rabbi or any other religious official. It is common, however, for rabbis to officiate, partly in imitation of the Christian practice and partly because the presence of a religious or civil official is required under United States civil law.
As you can see, it is very easy to make a marriage, so the rabbis instituted severe punishments (usually flogging and compelled divorce) where marriage was undertaken without proper planning and solemnity.

A Typical Wedding Ceremony

It is customary for the bride and groom not to see each other for a week preceding the wedding. On the Shabbat of that week, it is customary amongAshkenazic Jews for the groom to have an aliyah (the honor of reciting a blessing over the Torah reading). This aliyah is known as an ufruf. There are exuberant celebrations in the synagogue at this time. Throwing candy at the bride and groom to symbolize the sweetness of the event is common (Soft candy, of course! Usually Sunkist Fruit Gems, which are kosher).
Traditionally, the day before the wedding, both the bride and the groom fast.
Before the ceremony, the bride is veiled, in remembrance of the fact that Rebecca veiled her face when she was first brought to Isaac to be his wife.
The ceremony itself lasts 20-30 minutes, and consists of the kiddushin and the nisuin. For the kiddushin, the bride approaches and circles the groom. Two blessings are recited over wine: one the standard blessing over wine and the other regarding the commandments related to marriage. The man then places the ring on woman's finger and says "Be sanctified (mekudeshet) to me with this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel."
After the kiddushin is complete, the ketubah is read aloud.
The nisuin then proceeds. The bride and groom stand beneath the chuppah, a canopy held up by four poles, symbolic of their dwelling together and of the husband's bringing the wife into his home. The importance of the chuppah is so great that the wedding ceremony is sometimes referred to as the chuppah. The bride and groom recite seven blessings (sheva brakhos) in the presence of a minyan (prayer quorum of 10 adult Jewish men). The essence of each of the seven blessings is:

... who has created everything for his glory
... who fashioned the Man
... who fashioned the Man in His image ...
... who gladdens Zion through her children
... who gladdens groom and bride
... who created joy and gladness ... who gladdens the groom with the bride
and the standard prayer over wine.

The couple then drinks the wine.
The groom smashes a glass (or a small symbolic piece of glass) with his right foot, to symbolize the destruction of the Temple.
The couple then retires briefly to a completely private room, symbolic of the groom bringing the wife into his home.
This is followed by a festive meal, which is followed by a repetition of the sheva brakhos. Exuberant music and dancing traditionally accompany the ceremony and the reception.
You will rarely hear the traditional "Here Comes the Bride" wedding march at a Jewish wedding. This song, more accurately known as the Bridal Chorus fromLohengrin, was written by antisemitic composer Richard Wagner. He was Hitler's favorite composer, and it is said that the Nazis used to broadcast Wagner's songs over the concentration camps. For this reason, Jews have been understandably reluctant to play his music at our weddings. Awareness of this historical tidbit is fading, though, as is that reluctance.

The Marital Relationship

Marriage is vitally important in Judaism. Refraining from marriage is not considered holy, as it is in some other religions. On the contrary, it is considered unnatural. The Talmud says that an unmarried man is constantly thinking of sin. The Talmud tells of a rabbi who was introduced to a young unmarried rabbi. The older rabbi told the younger one not to come into his presence again until he was married.
Marriage is not solely, or even primarily, for the purpose of procreation. Traditional sources recognize that companionship, love and intimacy are the primary purposes of marriage, noting that woman was created in Gen. 2:18 because "it is not good for man to be alone," rather than because she was necessary for procreation.
According to the Torah and the Talmud, a man was permitted to marry more than one wife, but a woman could not marry more than one man. Although polygyny was permitted, it was never common. The Talmud never mentions any rabbi with more than one wife. Around 1000 C.E., Ashkenazic Jewry banned polygyny because of pressure from the predominant Christian culture. It continued to be permitted for Sephardic Jews in Islamic lands for many years. To the present day, Yemenite and Ethiopian Jews continue to practice polygyny; however, the modern state of Israel allows only one wife. Those who move to Israel with more than one wife are permitted to remain married to all of the existing wives, but cannot marry additional ones.
A husband is responsible for providing his wife with food, clothing and sexual relations (Ex. 21:10), as well as anything else specified in the ketubah. Marital sexual relations are the woman's right, not the man's. A man cannot force his wife to engage in sexual relations with him, nor is he permitted to abuse his wife in any way (a practice routinely permitted in Western countries until quite recently).
A married woman retains ownership of any property she brought to the marriage, but the husband has the right to manage the property and to enjoy profits from the property.

Prohibited Marriages and Illegitimate Children

The minimum age for marriage under Jewish law is 13 for boys, 12 for girls; however, the kiddushin can take place before that, and often did in medieval times. The Talmud recommends that a man marry at age 18, or somewhere between 16 and 24.
The Torah sets forth a laundry list of prohibited relations. Such marriages are never valid. A man cannot marry certain close blood relatives, the ex-wives of certain close blood relatives, a woman who has not been validly divorced from her previous husband, the daughter or granddaughter of his ex-wife, or the sister of his ex-wife during the ex-wife's life time. For a complete list, see 613 Mitzvot (Commandments).
The offspring of forbidden marriages are mamzerim (bastards, illegitimate), and subject to a variety of restrictions; however it is important to note that only the offspring of these incestuous or forbidden marriages are mamzerim. Children born out of wedlock are not mamzerim in Jewish law and bear no stigma, unless the marriage would have been prohibited for the reasons above. Children of a married man and a woman who is not his wife are not mamzerim (because the marriage between the parents would not have been prohibited), although children of a married woman and a man who is not her husband are mamzerim (because she could not have married him).
There are other classes of marriages that are not permitted, but that are valid if they occur and that do not make the children mamzerim. The marriage of minors, of a Jew to a non-Jew, and of a kohein to the prohibited classes of women discussed below fall into this category.
A kohein is not permitted to marry a divorcee, a convert, a promiscuous woman, a woman who is the offspring of a forbidden marriage to a kohein, or a woman who is the widow of a man who died childless but who has been released from the obligation to marry her husband's brother. A kohein who marries such a woman is disqualified from his duties as a kohein, as are all the offspring of that marriage.

Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah and Confirmation

Level: Basic

• Jews become responsible for observing the commandments at the age of 13 for boys, 12 for girls
• This age is marked by a celebration called bar (or bat) mitzvah
• Some synagogues have an additional celebration called confirmation

Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah

"Bar Mitzvah" literally means "son of the commandment." "Bar" is "son" in Aramaic, which used to be the vernacular of the Jewish people. "Mitzvah" is "commandment" in both Hebrew and Aramaic. "Bat" is daughter in Hebrew and Aramaic. (The Ashkenazic pronunciation is "bas"). Technically, the term refers to the child who is coming of age, and it is strictly correct to refer to someone as "becoming a bar (or bat) mitzvah." However, the term is more commonly used to refer to the coming of age ceremony itself, and you are more likely to hear that someone is "having a bar mitzvah" or "invited to a bar mitzvah."
So what does it mean to become a bar mitzvah? Under Jewish Law, children are not obligated to observe the commandments, although they are encouraged to do so as much as possible to learn the obligations they will have as adults. At the age of 13 (12 for girls), children become obligated to observe the commandments. The bar mitzvah ceremony formally, publicly marks the assumption of that obligation, along with the corresponding right to take part in leading religious services, to count in aminyan (the minimum number of people needed to perform certain parts of religious services), to form binding contracts, to testify before religious courts and to marry.
A Jewish boy automatically becomes a bar mitzvah upon reaching the age of 13 years, and a girl upon reaching the age of 12 years. No ceremony is needed to confer these rights and obligations. The popular bar mitzvah ceremony is not required, and does not fulfill any commandment. It is certainly not, as one episode of the Simpsonswould have you believe, necessary to have a bar mitzvah in order to be considered a Jew! The bar or bat mitzvah is a relatively modern innovation, not mentioned in theTalmud, and the elaborate ceremonies and receptions that are commonplace today were unheard of as recently as a century ago.
In its earliest and most basic form, a bar mitzvah is the celebrant's first aliyah. During Shabbat services on a Saturday shortly after the child's 13th birthday, or even the Monday or Thursday weekday services immediately after the child's 13th birthday, the celebrant is called up to the Torah to recite a blessing over the weekly reading.
Today, it is common practice for the bar mitzvah celebrant to do much more than just say the blessing. It is most common for the celebrant to learn the entire haftarahportion, including its traditional chant, and recite that. In some congregations, the celebrant reads the entire weekly torah portion, or leads part of the service, or leads the congregation in certain important prayers. The celebrant is also generally required to make a speech, which traditionally begins with the phrase "today I am a man." The father traditionally recites a blessing thanking G-d for removing the burden of being responsible for the son's sins (because now the child is old enough to be held responsible for his own actions).
In modern times, the religious service is followed by a reception that is often as elaborate as a wedding reception.
In Orthodox and Chasidic practice, women are not permitted to participate in religious services in these ways, so a bat mitzvah, if celebrated at all, is usually little more than a party. In other movements of Judaism, the girls do exactly the same thing as the boys.
It is important to note that a bar mitzvah is not the goal of a Jewish education, nor is it a graduation ceremony marking the end of a person's Jewish education. We are obligated to study Torah throughout our lives. To emphasize this point, some rabbis require a bar mitzvah student to sign an agreement promising to continue Jewish education after the bar mitzvah.
Sadly, an alarming number of Jewish parents today view the bar or bat mitzvah as the sole purpose of Jewish education, and treat it almost as a Jewish hazing ritual: I had to go through it, so you have to go through it, but don't worry, it will all be over soon and you'll never have to think about this stuff again.

Confirmation

Confirmation is a somewhat less widespread coming of age ritual that occurs when a child is 16 or 18. Confirmation was originally developed by the Reform movement, which scorned the idea that a 13 year old child was an adult (but see explanation below). They replaced bar and bat mitzvah with a confirmation ceremony at the age of 16 or 18. However, due to the overwhelming popularity of the bar or bat mitzvah, the Reform movement has revived the practice. I don't know of any Reformsynagogues that do not encourage the practice of bar and bat mitzvahs at age 13 today.
In some Conservative synagogues, however, the confirmation concept has been adopted as a way to continue a child's Jewish education and involvement for a few more years.

Is 13 an Adult?

Many people mock the idea that a 12 or 13 year old child is an adult, claiming that it is an outdated notion based on the needs of an agricultural society. This criticism comes from a misunderstanding of the significance of becoming a bar mitzvah.
Bar mitzvah is not about being a full adult in every sense of the word, ready to marry, go out on your own, earn a living and raise children. The Talmud makes this abundantly clear. In Pirkei Avot, it is said that while 13 is the proper age for fulfillment of the Commandments, 18 is the proper age for marriage and 20 is the proper age for earning a livelihood. Elsewhere in the Talmud, the proper age for marriage is said to be 16-24.
Bar mitzvah is simply the age when a person is held responsible for his actions and minimally qualified to marry. If you compare this to secular law, you will find that it is not so very far from our modern notions of a child's maturity. In Anglo-American common law, a child of the age of 14 is old enough to assume many of the responsibilities of an adult, including minimal criminal liability. Under United States law, 14 is the minimum age of employment for most occupations (though working hours are limited so as not to interfere with school). In many states, a fourteen year old can marry with parental consent. Children of any age are permitted to testify in court, and children over the age of 14 are permitted to have significant input into custody decisions in cases of divorce. Certainly, a 13-year-old child is capable of knowing the difference between right and wrong and of being held responsible for his actions, and that is all it really means to become a bar mitzvah.

Gifts

One of the most common questions I get on this site is: do you give gifts at a bar or bat mitzvah, and if so, what kind of gifts?
Yes, gifts are commonly given. They are ordinarily given at the reception, not at the service itself. Please keep in mind that a bar mitzvah is incorporated into an ordinary sabbath service, and many of the people present at the service may not be involved in the bar mitzvah.
The nature of the gift varies significantly depending on the community. At one time, the most common gifts were a nice pen set or a college savings bond (usually in multiples of $18, a number that is considered to be favorable in Jewish tradition, see: Hebrew Alphabet: Numerical Values). In many communities today, however, the gifts are the same sort that you would give any child for his 13th birthday. It is best to avoid religious gifts if you don't know what you're doing, but Jewish-themed gifts are not a bad idea. For example, you might want to give a book that is a biography of a Jewish person that the celebrant might admire. I hesitate to get into specifics, for fear that some poor celebrant might find himself with several copies of the same thing!
When in doubt, it never hurts to ask the parents or the synagogue's rabbi what is customary within the community.

Birth and the First Month of Life

Level: Basic

• Life begins at birth
• Baby showers are not held before birth
• Children are given a Hebrew name, usually for a deceased relative
• Male circumcision is performed on the 8th day after birth
• Firstborn males are "redeemed" from a kohein
• Jewish law has no procedure for adoption

Birth

In Jewish law, although the human soul exists before birth, human life begins at birth, that is, at the time when the child is more than halfway emerged from the mother's body. For more details about the consequences of this doctrine, see Abortion.
Judaism completely rejects the notion of original sin. According to Judaism, a child is born pure, completely free from sin. We pray daily "Oh G-d, the soul which you gave me is pure. You created it, you fashioned it, you breathed it into me."
Birth by Caesarean section is permitted in Jewish law, as would be just about any procedure necessary to preserve the life of the mother or the child.
Immediately after birth, a woman is considered niddah and must remain sexually separated from her husband for a period of seven days after the birth of a male child and 14 days after the birth of a female child. Lev. 12:2. This separation is the same as the regular monthly niddah separation. In the days of the Temple, when considerations of ritual purity were more important, a woman was considered partially impure for an additional period of 33 days after the birth of a male child and 66 days after the birth of a female child. No reason is stated why the period is longer for a female child than for a male child; however, one of my resources emphasizes that a female child is not more defiling than a male child, because the method of purification at the end of this period is the same for both genders.
After a child is born, the father is given the honor of an aliyah (an opportunity to bless the reading of the Torah) in synagogue at the next opportunity. At that time, ablessing is recited for the health of the mother and the child. If the child is a girl, she is named at that time.

Baby Showers

Although attitudes towards this are changing, Jews traditionally did not hold baby showers before the baby was born. In fact, traditionally Jewish parents did not even purchase things for the baby or discuss baby names until the baby was born. The usual reason given for this custom is pure superstition: drawing attention to the baby also draws bad luck to the baby.
However, there are solid psychological reasons for this custom as well: the old proverb about not counting your chickens before they've hatched. There was a time when miscarriages, stillborn babies and infant mortality were quite common. Consider the pain of a parent who has lost a potential child but is left with piles of gifts that the baby will never use, gifts that they have to return, reopening the wound each time. Although this sort of thing is less common today than it was a century ago, it still happens. Remember actress Katey Sagal (whose father is Jewish, though I don't know if she considers herself Jewish). She became pregnant while she was starring in the TV series Married with Children and the producers decided to incorporate her pregnancy into the storyline ... until her sudden miscarriage required the writers to turn the already-aired pregnancy episodes into a dream sequence.
In general, you should be guided by the wishes of the parents in these matters. Many Jewish couples today would not think twice about having a baby shower, might even be offended if their friends did not throw one. But some Jewish couples feel strongly about the custom not to have one until after the baby is born, and if that is what they want then you should respect their wishes and wait until after the baby is born to give the new parents presents. If you find it difficult to restrain yourself, consider: how will you feel if, G-d forbid, something should happen to the child after you throw a shower in violation of the parents' wishes?

Naming a Child

The formal Hebrew name is used in Jewish rituals, primarily in calling the person to the Torah for an aliyah, or in the ketubah (marriage contract).
A girl's name is officially given in synagogue when the father takes an aliyah after the birth, discussed above. A boy's name is given during the brit milah (ritual circumcision), see below.
The standard form of a Hebrew name for a male is [child's name] ben [father's name]. For a female, the form is [child's name] bat [father's name]. If the child is a kohein, the suffix ha-Kohein is added. If the child is of the tribe of Levi, the subject Ha-Levi is added.
There are no formal religious requirements for naming a child. The name has no inherent religious significance. In fact, the child's "Hebrew name" need not even be Hebrew; Yiddish names are often used, or even English ones.
It is customary among Ashkenazic Jews to name a child after a recently deceased relative. This custom comes partly from a desire to honor the dead relative, and partly from superstition against naming a child after a living relative. It is almost unheard of for an Ashkenazic Jew to be named after his own father, though it does occasionally happen. Among Sephardic Jews, it is not unusual to name a child after a parent or living relative.

Brit Milah: Circumcision

Of all of the commandments in Judaism, the brit milah (literally, Covenant of Circumcision) is probably the one most universally observed. It is commonly referred to as a bris (covenant, using the Ashkenazic pronunciation). Even the most secular of Jews, who observe no other part of Judaism, almost always observe these laws. Of course, until quite recently, the majority of males in the United States were routinely circumcised, so this doesn't seem very surprising. But keep in mind that there is more to the ritual of the brit milah than merely the process of physically removing the foreskin, and many otherwise non-observant Jews observe the entire ritual.
The commandment to circumcise is given at Gen. 17:10-14 and Lev. 12:3. The covenant was originally made with Abraham. It is the first commandment specific to the Jews.
Circumcision is performed only on males. Although some cultures have a practice of removing all or part of the woman's clitoris, often erroneously referred to as "female circumcision," that ritual has never been a part of Judaism.
Like so many Jewish commandments, the brit milah is commonly perceived to be a hygienic measure; however the biblical text states the reason for this commandment quite clearly: circumcision is an outward physical sign of the eternal covenant between G-d and the Jewish people. It is also a sign that the Jewish people will be perpetuated through the circumcised man. The health benefits of this practice are merely incidental. It is worth noting, however, that circumcised males have a lower risk of certain cancers, and the sexual partners of circumcised males also have a lower risk of certain cancers.
The commandment is binding upon both the father of the child and the child himself. If a father does not have his son circumcised, the son is obligated to have himself circumcised as soon as he becomes an adult. A person who is uncircumcised suffers the penalty of kareit, spiritual excision; in other words, regardless of how good a Jew he is in all other ways, a man has no place in the World to Come if he is uncircumcised.
Circumcision is performed on the eighth day of the child's life, during the day. The day the child is born counts as the first day, thus if the child is born on a Wednesday, he is circumcised on the following Wednesday. Keep in mind that Jewish days begin at sunset, so if the child is born on a Wednesday evening, he is circumcised the following Thursday. Circumcisions are performed on Shabbat, even though they involve the drawing of blood which is ordinarily forbidden on Shabbat. The Bible does not specify a reason for the choice of the eighth day; however, modern medicine has revealed that an infant's blood clotting mechanism stabilizes on the eighth day after birth. As with almost any commandment, circumcision can be postponed for health reasons. Jewish law provides that where the child's health is at issue, circumcision must wait until seven days after a doctor declares the child healthy enough to undergo the procedure.
Circumcision involves surgically removing the foreskin of the penis. The circumcision is performed by a mohel (lit. circumciser; rhymes with oil), a pious, observant Jew educated in the relevant Jewish law and in surgical techniques. Circumcision performed by a regular physician does not qualify as a valid brit milah, regardless of whether a rabbi says a blessing over it, because the removal of the foreskin is itself a religious ritual that must be performed by someone religiously qualified.
If the child is born without a foreskin (it happens occasionally), or if the child was previously circumcised without the appropriate religious intent or in a manner that rendered the circumcision religiously invalid, a symbolic circumcision may be performed by taking a pinprick of blood from the tip of the penis. This is referred to as hatafat dam brit.
While the circumcision is performed, the child is held by a person called a sandek. In English, this is often referred to as a godfather. It is an honor to be a sandek for a bris. The sandek is usually a grandparent or the family rabbi. Traditionally, a chair (often an ornate one) is set aside for Elijah, who is said to preside over all circumcisions. Various blessings are recited, including one over wine, and a drop of wine is placed in the child's mouth. The child is then given a formal Hebrew name.
It is not necessary to have a minyan for a bris, but it is desirable if feasible.
As with most Jewish life events, the ritual is followed by refreshments or a festive meal.

The Circumcision Controversy

In recent times, circumcision has become controversial. Some have hypothesized that infant circumcision has harmful psychological effects and may cause sexual dysfunction. Many websites have sprung up promoting this point of view, and even in Israel there are those who want to outlaw circumcision as child abuse.
To the best of my knowledge, there is no concrete, scientific evidence that circumcision has any harmful effect. The rate of complications from circumcision is one of the lowest of all surgical procedures, and the most common complication is simply excessive bleeding. At most, the latest scientific evidence indicates that the health benefits of circumcision are not as great as previously assumed, thus there is no reason to perform routine circumcisions for the purposes of hygiene. However, as stated above, Jewish circumcision is not performed for the purpose of hygiene.
In March 2007, the World Health Organization (WHO) and New York City recommended circumcision to reduce the spread of AIDS after a large-scale study found that circumcision reduced the rate of HIV infection of men through heterosexual sex by almost 60%. This finding isn't actually anything new; there have been many studies for many years coming to the same conclusion. But even this finding is controversial: anti-circumcision advocates reject these findings and claim that the studies are flawed. In any case, circumcision is no substitute for safe sex!
From the traditional Jewish point of view, there is no controversy. The ritual of circumcision was commanded by our Creator, and He certainly knows what is and is not good for us. The G-d who commanded us not to harm ourselves certainly would not command us to do something harmful to ourselves, and even if He did, the observant Jew would nonetheless heed His wishes.
For more information on the traditional Jewish response to the circumcision controversy, see Bris Milah: Beautiful or Barbaric? at Aish ha-Torah's website.

Pidyon ha-Ben: Redemption of the First Born

The first and best of all things belong to G-d. This is true even of the firstborn of children. Originally, it was intended that the firstborn would serve as the priests andTemple functionaries of Israel; however, after the incident of the Golden Calf, in which the tribe of Levi did not participate, G-d chose the tribe of Levi over the firstborn for this sacred role. This is explained in Num. 8:14-18. However, even though their place has been taken by the Levites, the firstborn still retain a certain degree of sanctity, and for this reason, they must be redeemed.
The ritual of redemption is referred to as pidyon ha-ben, literally, Redemption of the Son.
A firstborn son must be redeemed after he reaches 31 days of age. Ordinarily, the ritual is performed on the 31st day (the day of birth being the first day); however, the ritual cannot be performed on Shabbat because it involves the exchange of money. The child is redeemed by paying a small sum (five silver shekels in biblical times; today, usually five silver dollars) to a kohein (preferably a pious one familiar with the procedure) and performing a brief ritual. This procedure is commanded at Num. 18:15-16.
It is important to remember that rabbis are not necessarily koheins and koheins are not necessarily rabbis. Redemption from a rabbi is not valid unless the rabbi is also a kohein. See Rabbis, Priests and Other Religious Functionaries for more information about this distinction.
The ritual of pidyon ha-ben applies to a relatively small number of Jews. It applies only to the firstborn male child if it is born by natural childbirth. Thus, if a female is the firstborn, no child in the family is subject to the ritual. If the first child is born by Caesarean section, the ritual does not apply to that child (nor, according to most sources, to any child born after that child). If the first conception ends in miscarriage after more than 40 days' term, it does not apply to any subsequent child. It does not apply to members of the tribe of Levi, or children born to a daughter of a member of the tribe of Levi.

Adoption

There is no formal procedure of adoption in Jewish law. Adoption as it exists in civil law is irrelevant, because civil adoption is essentially a transfer of title from one parent to another, and in Jewish law, parents do not own their children. However, Judaism does have certain laws that are relevant in circumstances where a child is raised by someone other than the birth parents.
In most ways, the adoptive parents are to the child as any birth parent would be. The Talmud says that he who raises someone else's child is regarded as if he had actually brought him into the world physically. For those who cannot have children of their own, raising adoptive children satisfies the obligation to be fruitful and multiply. The child may be formally named (see above) as the child of the adoptive parents, owes the adoptive parents the same duty of respect as he would a birth parent, and observes formal mourning for the adoptive parents as he would for birth parents.
Matters relevant to the child's status are determined by the status of the birth parents, not by that of the adoptive parents. The child's status as a Kohein, a Levi, a Jew, and/or a firstborn, are all determined by reference to the birth parents.
This issue of status is particularly important in the case of non-Jewish children adopted by Jews. According to traditional Jewish law, children born of non-Jewish parents are not Jewish unless they are converted, regardless of who raises them or how they were raised. The status as a Jew is more a matter of citizenship than a matter of belief. For more information about this issue, see Who is a Jew?
If Jewish parents adopt a non-Jewish child, the child must be converted. This process is somewhat simpler for an infant than it is for an adult convert, because there is generally no need to try to talk the person out of converting and no need for prior education. It is really more of a formality. The conversion must be approved by a Beit Din (rabbinic court); a circumcision or hatafat dam brit must be performed; the child must be immersed in a kosher mikvah and the parents must commit to educating the child as a Jew. For more details about the process of conversion generally, See Conversion.

Pesach (Passover) Cooking Tips

Level: Basic

• Focus on things you can eat, instead of what you can't
• Know how to identify products that are kosher for Passover

Many people are frustrated at how difficult it is to come up with meals for Pesach and how bland and tasteless Pesach meals can be. Actually, it's not that difficult if you reorient your thinking. It's human nature to focus on the things you can't have, so many people make the mistake of trying to figure out how to make breakfast cereal, waffles, macaroni and cheese and pizza for Passover and wind up with very poor substitutes. Instead of focusing on the things you can't have, you should focus on the things you can have.
So let's focus on some foods you might want to eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner and some fruits and vegetables that are permitted. I will also provide a few substitution suggestions and a few recipes. But before we get started, a few words about finding Passover food in your local grocery store.

Kosher-for-Passover Certification

Pesach foods generally require special Kosher-for-Passover certification. Regular kashrut certification is not sufficient for Pesach, and many foods that are perfectly kosher year-round are not kosher for Pesach. Look for a "P" (not the word "pareve"!) to the right of the hekhsher, like the one at top right, or the letters KFP (Kosher for Passover) or KP, or the words Kosher for Passover in English or Hebrew, seen at bottom right.
In areas with a significant Jewish population, grocery stores often gather Passover items together in a single aisle. Be aware that some supermarkets are very sloppy about what they shelve in their Passover aisles. The Acme supermarket near me routinely mixes the Kosher-for-Passover sardines (packed in olive oil) with the year-round sardines (packed in corn oil) on their Passover shelves, routinely restocks the Kosher-For-Passover soda pop display with regular soda pop and so forth. One year, they put some corn-syrup Purim lollipops in the Passover aisle. But then, what do you expect from a chain that once advertised a sale on "Challah: A Passover Tradition"? (the only Passover tradition related to challah is not eating it!)

Suggested Meals and Foods

To help you reorient your thinking, here is a list of things that you CAN eat during Pesach with minimal substitutions:

Dinner

Good old-fashioned steak and potatoes
Beef stew (without beans or barley if you normally use those; use potato starch for thickening)
Pot roast (use potato starch for thickening)
Meatballs or meatloaf (use matzah meal instead of rice or bread crumbs)
Stuffed peppers (use matzah meal instead of rice or bread crumbs)
Beef brisket (recipe below)
Holishkes (stuffed cabbage) (recipe on the cooking page)
Roasted chicken or turkey (gravy can be thickened with potato starch)
Chicken with lemon wine sauce (use matzah meal for breading if desired)
Matzah lasagna (OK, so this involves major substitutions, so sue me. I like it. Recipe below.)

Breakfast

Eggs (fried, scrambled, poached, whatever)
Omelet
Hash brown potatoes
Matzah brie (recipe below)

Lunch

Leftovers from the previous night's dinner
Tuna salad or egg salad on a tomato
Cold cuts on matzah or Atkins-style
Salad (homemade vinaigrette dressing is best: mix olive oil with cider vinegar and spices)

Vegetables

Most people will eat any fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables from the grocery store, as long as the vegetable itself is kosher for Passover.^*

Artichoke (but watch out for marinated ones! the marinade may not be KFP!)
Asparagus
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
Cabbage
Carrot
Cauliflower
Celery
Cucumber
Leek
Lettuce
Mushroom
Onion
Parsley
Parsnip
Peppers (e.g., bell peppers, chili peppers)
Potatoes (regular and sweet)
Radish
Spinach
Squash (eggplant, zucchini, spaghetti squash, etc.)
Sweet potatoes
Tomatoes
Turnip
... and many more too numerous to list!

^* Some especially strict people will not eat fresh or frozen vegetables, because the vegetables may have been cut using non-Passover knives, or may have been exposed to chametz in transit. People who observe this level of strictness eat only canned or pre-packaged fruits and vegetables with KFP certification. These are often available in the Passover aisle of the grocery store. On the other hand, some especially strict people will not eat the canned fruits and vegetables, even with KFP certification, because they don't trust the certification! These people will eat only fruits and vegetables with removable skins, such as potatoes, carrots, apples and bananas, and will eat them only after removing the skins.

Fruits

All fruits are Kosher for Passover!

Pesach Options for Vegetarians and Vegans

All fruits and most vegetables are kosher for Passover, but they aren't a very good source of protein. Many popular vegetarian sources of protein are not kosher for Passover: beans, grains, pasta, soy products (tofu, tempeh, etc.) and many seeds, among other things, are all forbidden. What is a good vegetarian to do?
Vegetarians who eat eggs and dairy products are in luck: eggs and milk are kosher for Passover and do not require special certification if they are purchased before the holiday begins. Cottage cheese, yogurt, cream cheese and sour cream require certification, but several leading national brands routinely carry such certification. Hard cheeses (cheddar, mozzerella, etc.) are more difficult to find, but only because kosher hard cheese itself is difficult to find -- rennet that is used to harden cheese is a complicated kashrut issue. Kosher brands of cheese, such as Miller's, are commonly kosher for Passover.
For vegans, who refrain from eggs and dairy, there are still a few options. Most nuts are kosher for Passover, though you must make sure they are kosher certified: processed nuts are made with preservatives BHA and BHT, which is suspended in corn oil, not kosher for Passover. You can find a nice selection of kosher for Passover nuts at Oh Nuts. Important Note: Peanuts are not nuts, they're legumes, and they are not kosher for Passover.
Another exciting Passover protein option for vegetarians and vegans is quinoa, the new world grain-that's-not-a-grain. Quinoa is one of the best, most complete vegetarian sources of protein available. Some rabbis have held that quinoa is kitniyot and is forbidden, but many widely-respected kosher certification organizations have held that quinoa is kosher for Passover. See for example Star-K. At one time, the CRC organization held that Ancient Harvest brand whole grain quinoa (not flour or flakes) was kosher for Passover without special certification, though at this time (4 Mar 2010) they have not yet made that determination for 2010. Several have said that whole grain quinoa can be used but must be sifted carefully to make sure no forbidden grains have slipped in. See for example OU.
Two of the recipes on this page are vegetarian (though not vegan): matzah brie and matzah lasagna. I have posted a number of vegetarian and vegan Passover recipes on my blog.

Substitutions

As I said above, you should generally avoid substitutions and focus on foods that are naturally kosher for Pesach. That being said, there are a few simple substitutions that can give you more options for your Pesach cooking without compromising flavor.

Potato Starch: Potato starch can be used instead of corn starch or flour to thicken sauces, stews or gravies.
Matzah Meal: Matzah meal is ground up matzah in pieces about the size of bread crumbs. It is an effective substitute for bread crumbs to make breading for things like fried chicken or eggplant parmesan. In fact, I use it that way year round. It is also an effective substitute for bread crumbs or rice in recipes where they are used to hold ground beef together, such as stuffed peppers, meatloaf or meatball recipes.
Matzah Farfel: Matzah farfel is chunks of matzah about the size of a dime. It is a useful substitute for noodles, rice or pasta as a side dish. Serve your main course over matzah farfel and it will soak up the sauces nicely. It can also be used much like croutons on a salad, or can be used as the basis for a Kosher-for-Passover stuffing.

Recipes

The ingredients specified for these recipes are all available with Kosher-for-Passover certification in the supermarkets near me; your mileage may vary. Make sure the ingredients you use are certified, as many of these things contain grain products when they are not KFP-certified.

Matzah Brie (Fried Matzah)

There are many different ways to make matzah brie (usually rhymes with "rye," although some pronounce it like the cheese), and I will undoubtedly be branded a heretic for my particular technique, but this is the way I learned to make it and this is the way I like it. This recipe is really just French toast with matzah instead of bread!
Prepare the same kind of soaking batter you would make for French toast: beat a couple of eggs with some milk or water and some cinnamon. Break up some matzah into pieces about the size of your palm (precision is not required) and soak them in the batter until they are a little soggy but not falling apart. Fry them in butter in a frying pan until they are crispy. If you need to use up the last of the egg mixture, you can pour that into the pan with the last of the matzah.
Serve with honey (because it's hard to find syrup that is kosher for Passover -- most syrup these days is corn syrup). It's good hot or cold, so you can put your leftovers in the refrigerator and have them for lunch!

Beef Brisket

Once again, I will probably be branded a heretic for this simplistic brisket recipe, but it works well for me. I'm not sure of the quantities, because I don't make this very often and I go by feel:

London broil beef (yeah, I know, it's supposed to be brisket beef, but I prefer the taste and the leanness of London broil)
A bottle of ketchup (make sure it's Kosher for Passover! Most ketchup uses grain-based vinegar)
A packet of powdered onion soup mix (Goodmans makes a nice one that is Kosher for Passover)
Some water

Mix the ketchup and soup mix with enough water to get a smooth consistency (not a soupy one; about the consistency the ketchup originally was). Pour it over the London broil in a roasting pan. Cook at 325 degrees until it's done (depends on the size and shape of the meat). For more tender brisket, you may want to marinate it for a while before cooking.

Matzah Lasagna

This is the ultimate expression of a substitution mentality, which is exactly what I tell you to avoid throughout this page... and yet, I really like the way it tastes. It is my Pesach guilty pleasure. Basically, this is a typical lasagna with matzah substituted for the noodles and cottage cheese for the ricotta (because ricotta cheese is usually made with grain vinegar, though it's not called that on the ingredients list -- it's called catalyzer or something goofy like that).

2 pieces of matzah
Tomato or spaghetti sauce (make sure it's kosher for Passover!)
Cottage cheese
1 egg
Parmesan cheese
Optional: chopped vegetables, such as chopped broccoli or zucchini
Mozzarella cheese, shredded

Beat the egg. Mix it with about 8 oz. cottage cheese and the parmesan cheese. If using vegetables, mix those in as well. In an 8x8 inch cake pan (conveniently the same size as a piece of matzah), put down a thin layer of tomato sauce. Put a piece of matzah on top of that. Put a thin layer of tomato sauce on top of the matzah. Spread the cottage cheese mix over the matzah. Put a thin layer of sauce over the cottage cheese mix. Cover with the second piece of matzah. Cover with sauce and shredded mozzarella. Bake at 350 degrees until the mozzarella turns dark brown.

Links to Other Recipes

Elsewhere in this site, I have provided recipes for the following dishes which are (or can be made) Kosher for Passover:

Latkes, potato pancakes traditionally served during Chanukkah. Makes a nice Sunday breakfast.
Matzah Ball Soup, traditionally served at Pesach seder.
Holishkes: sweet and sour stuffed cabbage.

28 Ocak 2014 Salı

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Pesach (Passover) Cooking Tips

Kosher-for-Passover Certification

Suggested Meals and Foods

Dinner

Breakfast

Lunch

Vegetables

Fruits

Pesach Options for Vegetarians and Vegans

Substitutions

Recipes

Matzah Brie (Fried Matzah)

Beef Brisket

Matzah Lasagna

Links to Other Recipes